Having It All: Success + Love

Lately, the media has been “reminding” us that we just can’t have it all—it’s gone mainstream that we have to choose between loving our life and having a great career.

But the true meaning of living a good life is finding a balance between the two.

That means working hard and playing hard; it means making time for both work and love in your life. However, it’s true that when you’re a driven, dedicated individual it’s (unfortunately) too easy to focus in just a little too much on one or the other.

 …Are you like Amy, who focuses too much on her career?

After a full day teaching a snotty-nosed, sticky-fingered and ravenous pack of 4th graders and Amy couldn’t bear any more stress. But her day was far from done. She still had to bake 500 cupcakes by the weekend and it was already Wednesday evening. By her calculations, that left just 16 hours (4 hours a night) to complete her order. Teaching paid the bills, but baking was the dream.

Outside of being overworked and underpaid, Amy had one more problem. She had no time left for her fiancé. It didn’t help that they had alternating schedules and little opportunity to even sit down and share a meal with one another, let alone plan a wedding.

This leaves Amy feeling trapped between her ambitions and her obligations to her fiancé. She doesn’t remember the last time she felt like it was okay to just relax in his arms and she keeps telling herself that work will ease up soon. She’s about to start an official family, but wishes her relationship could return to the glory days of romance rather than routine.

Have you ever felt like this? Have you ever placed your relationship on hold in order to take a call from Life on the other line? Are you sick and tired of a non-existent or mediocre love life that’s being overrun by a far too demanding work life?

Try This: 3 Rules to Help Balance Your Success & Love:

1. Stop Taking Your Relationship For Granted: The sentence “Hey baby, I have to take this call, you understand” gets old quickly. Don’t undervalue your partner’s role in your life.

2. Permanent Marker Your Love Appointments: The old adage about penciling in tentative appointments shouldn’t apply to your relationship. Like that weekly conference call at work, there should be permanent and frequent bookings on your romantic calendar.

3. Share Goals with your Partner: Working toward a common goal will not only increase intimacy between you and your partner, but it will also make it easier to prioritize against your professional goals.

…Or are you a Lisa, who focuses too much on her relationship?

Lisa fell madly in love in college. Her and her beloved followed the very predictable path: brief courtship, moved in together, got engaged, had the big spectacular wedding, and lived happily ever after. Well, sort of.

There’s no question of how grateful Lisa is of her personal life. However, since college, she’s invested almost all of her time and attention into her fairytale love life and simply forgot to focus on her own aspirations. Her 30th birthday now looms large and she’s still in the same dull job in real estate she took right out of college. Everyday she gets up dreading the 9-5 snooze-fest ahead of her. She has no goals, no hobbies, no life outside of her husband and his life. She knows her husband is tired of her constant bellyaching about not having a life, but she can’t help herself. Aside of her marriage, life pretty much sucks!

And what’s even more problematic is that Lisa has no clue what she really wants to do. She’s smart, passionate, articulate, and engaging, but she has no idea where to channel all of her potential. She knows she could be/do/create something awesome if she could just find the time to dig deep and figure out what it is she truly wants.

Been there? Have you found that you’ve lost sight of “you” when you became part of a “we”? Have you fallen into the trap living by default instead of living by design? Are you stuck?

Try This: 3 Rules to Help Balance Your Success & Love:

1. Figure Out What You WANT: You deserve to have an extraordinary life, both personal and professional. The only way to do this is to find what makes your heart sing and go after it with everything you got.

2. Set Some Goals: Once you know what you want, set some goals that get you excited. Craft a good mix of short-, mid-, and long-term goals. Then decide that these are absolute MUSTS and make them top priorities.

3. Put Yourself First: You think being in love with someone else is an awesome feeling? Being in love with yourself is even better! Carve out some me-time. Find a new hobby. Make space for just you.

Whether you resonate with Amy or Lisa or feel like some mix of the two, finding the balance between Success & Love is a common challenge for women with Moxy, so know that you’re not alone!

It’s also why Coach Jennie and Eric Fondren are hosting a live event in NYC on October 20th to explore these challenges in more depth and co-create strategies for the participants. Sound like a hot time? Get all the details by clicking here.

Article written by Jennie Mustafa-Julock for Moxy Magazine, September 2012. Photo courtesy of

 Success + Love is the collaborative brainchild of Jennie Mustafa-Julock, The Audacity Coach, and Eric Fondren, The Sober Lover. Find them on Facebook

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About Coach Jennie

Jennie Mustafa-Julock (alias: The Audacity Coach) helps “pretty awesome” people elevate into Extraordinary Individuals with adventurous missions + lifestyles to match. With a background in Organizational Development Consulting, Coach Jennie diagnoses “suckdom,” delineates strategies + drives people to ditch their dusty dreams and drum up new ones that rock. Find her online at CoachJennie.com, on Facebook and on Twitter at @CoachJennie.

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